“You can only take
someone as far as you have gone yourself.”
~ Unknown
Truth:
I have a little bit of
a saviour-complex... with unresolved (& perhaps unacknowledged)
emotional issues... particularly when it comes to guys and
relationships.
Yet even though I have
maybe on some level known this for awhile, I have only recently begun
to admit it out loud. And I feel it has grown over the last 5+ years
too - as my own unresolved (and perhaps unacknowledged) emotional
issues have festered... It's just easier to try to fix someone else
than to face yourself...
Recently I met a man
who really seems to have his sh!t together – at least emotionally
speaking. He is confident in, and true to who he is and what he
wants. And while I find him and those qualities attractive, after
hanging out a few times I just wasn't sure I was feeling the kind of
connection I wanted to be feeling.
Then he told me: though
he hasn't been alone or unhappy, he also hasn't really been in love
since his high school girlfriend 20+ years ago.
The unresolved –
perhaps unacknowledged – emotional issue (as *I* defined it to be)
was revealed. And my heart broke for him. Enter
emotional-saviour-complex: immediately there was a voice in my head
saying “That's not right, he should feel love; he should feel
loved. Maybe I can fix that! Maybe I can find someone for him to fall
in love with. Maybe it could be me...”
I couldn't fully
articulate right away why this revelation broke my heart for him.
After all my heart's been battered and bruised by love more than
twice, and most of the time I'm not even sure how I feel about love
and relationships in general these days. But then I remembered that
the times I have felt love for and felt loved by a partner have been
some of the most amazing moments in my life – despite the pain
they may have led to. These are some of the moments I would re-live
in a heart beat, even knowing where I stand now.
Upon further reflection
I think maybe my heart also broke a little because I realized yet
again that none of us are immune to emotional issues of one kind or
another at some point in our lives. And the only responsibility we
each have – the only responsibility *I* have is to take care of my
own. Only then can I have the slightest hope of supporting someone
else through theirs.
It's likely no
coincidence that this later revelation came on the heels of
remembering that love has amazing moments; that I have been lucky to
have loved and been loved by more than two... And so I am being
challenged and inspired to face my own issues; to be my own
emotional-saviour; to let go; and to open myself to the possibility
of falling again, and again, and again....
1 comment:
first of all that opening quote was great. be nice to know where it came from because its very true. i remember with an ex-gf. she came up to me and told me that she was talking to my mom, and my mom told her that i have changed. i couldnt think of how. she said its that i was happier and had more positive outlook. only after being told this did i really realize that ya; its true. sure i told this girl i loved her and meant it everytime and was happy with her. but for some reason it took somebody else to tell me, for it to really sink in and it felt great. i imagine its the same feeling people get; say in the movies when getting married. ya you know you are until the day comes and someone says " dude your getting married" and your like ...holy shit i am!! and get those butterfly feelings. thats how that felt. sudden realization of something great
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