“I'm a big kid now”

“I've apparently been the victim of growing up, which apparently happens to all of us at one point or another. It's been going on for quite some time now, without me knowing it. I've found that growing up can mean a lot of things. For me, it doesn't mean I should become somebody completely new and stop loving the things I used to love. It means I've just added more things to my list.”

~Taylor Swift

 

I bought a bed!

A brand new queen size mattress,

and a real bed frame with a headboard.

For some this event may not mean much – a bed is typically a standard purchase when one moves out on their own; buys a house or rents an apartment; starts their life after graduation or beyond mom & dad's place.

But after years of transient living and piecing together used and borrowed items when needed, this is the first piece of new furniture I have every truly shopped for, selected, bought and owned of my own accord (OK, so I did use some birthday money towards the bed frame... but the significance remains the same! And my piano doesn't count, because I was 17yrs old at the time and it has always been at my parents' house). I even picked up the bed frame in my own little Honda Fit and put the pieces together by myself. This bed – this event – is significant to me.

My dad's supportive comment about it: “Who's going to help you move that next time?”

Truth:

This is the first time I have felt sufficiently stable and committed in my decision to be here, to actually purchase furniture.

I feel so grown up with that decision, with that purchase. It feels a little like I've taken control of my current situation, and put some direction in place for my future. It feels a little like I've matured to a point of accepting my reality and wanting to make the most of what it is, rather than trying to find an elusive what-I-thought-it-would-be.

In conversation with a new friend the other night, we talked about the constant struggle in growing up. And in some ways I hope I never stop struggling because I think that is what will in part keep me young at heart. But I am happy to have grown up beyond my single mattress.

That first night in my grown up bed I sprawled out into a star-fish shape smack-dab in the middle of it and smiled. Then I rolled up into my new comforter made specifically for this bed by my Grandma, mom, aunt and myself, and slept...