The A**hole and The Prince

“Because the rational mind cannot process love or suffering, for example, it tends to either avoid them, deny them, or blame somebody for them, when in fact they are the greatest spiritual teachers of all, if we but allow them.”

~ Richard Rohr,

Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life

How do I move on with the hope of ever having a lasting relationship with someone else who does those things for me, when everyone around me says “But he's an a**hole”?

(from I was Lucky to be Loved by You...)

I had an epiphany while writing those words for the previous post. Not about blaming others for my inability to let go or move on. But about the words we say to people or in situations where letting go and moving on may be necessary.

In the first few weeks and months after that particular relationship ended, my knee-jerk reaction was to defend this man I had loved. Surely he must have had a reason; something must have happened. Because the man I fell in love with was not an a**hole! But the longer term impact of others' insistence that this guy was bad news and I had “dodged a bullet” became clear as I wrote the words above. This man had been good to me and good for me for a time. If he turned out to be an a**hole, as I keep being reminded, then how do I trust anyone who is good to me and good for me to not become an a**hole after a time?

Truth:

When we focus on the a**hole at the end of the story, we forget the prince from earlier on. We forget the human from throughout – the one who made us smile as much as, if not more than they made us cry. We forget the lessons we learned and the growth we experienced. All the things that have -hopefully- made us stronger, wiser, even better people.

 I know that not every a**hole was a prince at one time. And maybe not every prince will be an a**hole at some point. But both are human.

I wonder... if we could focus on looking for more of what we liked about past relationships – and less on running from what we don't like – would it change the way we engage in future relationships?

What did you like about your last relationship that ended?

What do you like – and want more of – about your current relationship?