“No
wise man ever wished to be younger.”
Truth:
I
have been having a difficult time “growing up”...
A
couple weeks ago, right before my birthday, I saw this eCard
floating around Facebook:
Like someone climbed into my head and wrote down my experience! And not to brag at all – ok, maybe to brag a little – when I disclose my age most people respond with genuine surprise and comments that I look younger. Obviously I generally enjoy these moments! (I thanked the LCBO teller who ID'd me the week before my birthday this year; then there was the 19 year old who approached me at the bar during my birthday celebrations... and, even though he had some impressive game, I remembered the above eCard!)
One
of the truths I've been learning especially in the last few months is
that sometimes being 30-something kinda sucks! And no one really
talks about it; at least not in conversation circles I was a part of.
It's like in your 20s you're supposed to be exploring yourself and
the world around you, trying to figure things out. In the psychology
field we call it delayed adolescence or the emerging
adulthood stage of development: delaying the (socially
prescribed) “responsibilities of adulthood” such as career,
home-ownership, marriage, kids. And then one morning you wake up and
you're 30(-something) and all of a sudden you're supposed to have it
all figured out.
But
what if you don't?
For
me, it was this depressing realization that 30-something caught up
with me when I wasn't looking. That I hadn't really accomplished many
of the things I thought I would have by now; that I'm not really
where I thought I would be at this point in my life. And really, that
the world isn't what I thought it was.
Though
I am single, childless, and just entering the career-type-job search;
I think this overall realization about life and the world actually
has little to do with the (socially prescribed) “responsibilities
of adulthood” (nor does it necessarily always occur at
30-something, for some it may be earlier or later in life). All those
things do is change the experience of the realization-induced
depression. While I am struggling to find purpose in getting out of
bed in the morning, lounging around the rented apartment that I share
with 3 other women, watching TV all day until my shift at the
restaurant starts (a job that, even though I enjoy it for what it is,
reminds me why I went to grad school and why I am career-searching in
this economy); some of my 30-something friends/family are dragging
themselves out of bed to feed the kids; to show up at a job they may
or may not like in order to pay the mortgage; perhaps wishing they
could sleep in and lounge around watching TV all day... something,
anything to distract from the realization that the world is
not what we thought it was; that the life we are living is not what
we expected it to be by the time we were 30-something. Whether in
relationship or single; with kids or without; in our desired
career/job or still searching – we just call it different things:
“growing up”, various types of depression (postpartum,
situational, etc.), mid-life crisis, being stuck on life's treadmill,
reality.
Great, so this has been a real downer of a post hasn't it! But here's the ledge on the cliff that I've been grasping at recently: in this realization there is also opportunity.
Opportunity
to let go of what you thought things would be like; opportunity to
embrace what it is; and opportunity to move towards different if
that's what you desire.
I'm
taking another step into the arena to be vulnerable.
To my 20-something friends – I do value you and enjoy your company. You sometimes allow me moments of not “growing up”. But you are also helping me realize that sometimes being 30-something is actually pretty great!
5 comments:
"Opportunity to let go of what you thought things would be like; opportunity to embrace what it is"
I think that I will focus on the challenge that this statement provides. I would add that we are constantly told from the moment of birth that we should strive to improve ourselves. Always trying to be better indicates that the "opportunity to embrace what it is" is lost.
Thanks for that insight.
Great point, about being told to strive for self-improvement, and that not always allowing for embracing what is.
Another important lesson I seem to need to learn over and over again is that sometimes the best thing we can do is stand still...
And, for those of us 30-somethings who find ourselves without children, unmarried, and still trying to figure out what to do with our lives career-wise, it is nice to know that we are not alone. I often feel like I am the only one... but I do believe there are way more of us than we know, not to mention all those 30-somethings that have it 'all' (career, spouse, kids, house, etc...) who only wish they might be where those of us "have-nots" currently sit. Life is funny. No one is every completely satisfied. Its too easy to dream about the other side of the coin.
You are not alone, my friend!
The more I started the conversations by talking about my thoughts and struggle, the more people I found who understood on some level - who were either in it themselves, or had been at one time. Like with many "private" struggles in today's world, here's hoping this is another one we can open up and talk about more so no one has to feel alone.
see i hate that notion people have that being "30 something" is when you should have things figured out. yes life can be considered short but only when your looking backwords. for example mother says" my how fast these kids grow up" but im sure she wasnt thinking that waking up everyday to care to the child needs. if you look forward time goes slow. everybody gets this feeeling when looking forward to an exciting event like a birthday or christmas takes forever to come. being 30 something if stop and think, you can easily have another 50 years! why is 30 that age when everything should be figured out. maybe i dont fully understand because im only 25. and to the anonymous poster, i feel you perfectly described " the grass is greener on the other side" saying. its true not everyone can be completetly satisfied and often dream about the other side of the coin. life is funny because when once you get a taste of the other "new" side you often find that it can get old and what back on the otherside
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