I was Lucky to be Loved by You – Retelling the Story

 

It's been 7 years since we met. I don't actually remember the exact date, but it was sometime in April 2006. I looked into your striking blue eyes and knew immediately that you would have a significant impact on my life. I remember that we laughed a lot, even from that very first day. I wanted to laugh with you forever.

Truth:

I had a difficult time fully letting go and moving on from our relationship.

Because, even though it ended rather brutally, damaging my hope, my trust, my belief in love... still we had some amazing times together! I experienced things I will never forget. I learned lessons about myself, about life, about love and relationships that I continue to value. I want to be able to honour those things, while letting go of the pain.

But how?

How do I remember and honour the good when everyone around me says “But he's an a**hole”? How do I smile at the memory of a can of baked beans when everyone around me says “But he's an a**hole”? How do I hold on to the times you made me feel special and loved; the encouragement and space you allowed me to explore and be who I was, when everyone around me says “But he's an a**hole”?

How do I move on with the hope of ever having a lasting relationship with someone else who does those things for me, when everyone around me says “But he's an a**hole”? Even now, 6 years after you disappeared.

I no longer want to be a victim, nor even a survivor of your disappearance. I've allowed myself to be that for far to long now.

Instead, I want to be blessed by your presence in my life.

I want to let go of the pain and fear – and remember all that I experienced and learned and grew from.

I want to let go of you... and hold onto the knowledge that I was lucky, for a time, to love you and to be loved by you.

Someone asked me recently if there was anything else I wanted to communicate to you. I thought for a moment about all I've just written – which is really more for me than for you – and I realized the only thing left to say was:

    Good bye!