Nothing?Everything?Something

 

  “Is it possible to think of nothing and remain awake?

Is thinking of nothing the same as not thinking at all?

Is being conscious of something the same as thinking?

...Thinking is about something or other.”

~ Jeff Mason, Thinking of Nothing

 

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to turn my brain off. To think about nothing.

The other day I was getting ready for work: taking a shower, doing my hair, putting on my make-up, getting dressed... All of a sudden 45min had gone by. I hadn't eaten yet, and I was on the verge of being late. I was lost in thought...

I can't even tell you what I was thinking about exactly. Except to say everything.

I tried to take a nap before going to work for an over-night shift. The moment I laid my head on the pillow and closed my eyes, my mind started racing. Song lyrics, to-do lists, e-mails, text messages, processing feelings, events... I was consumed and energized by thoughts of everything.

What would it be like to think about nothing?

To have quiet in my mind. Stillness in my heart. Calm in my soul. Just for five minutes. I'd even settle for 30 seconds sometimes. Thirty seconds of nothingness. I've tried meditating before; repeating one single phrase; counting my breaths. But even then, I'm thinking about that phrase. I'm thinking about my breath.

What would it be like to think about nothing?

I remember often asking a boyfriend years ago, “what are you thinking about?” and being annoyed when he answered with “Nothing.” You must be thinking about something, you can't just not be thinking about anything.

Now, I am some-what envious of this ability to think about nothing. How does one do that, I wonder? And realize that even while thinking about nothing, I am in fact thinking about something.