I Am [Enough]

Asteya is yoga's principle of "not stealing". It applies well beyond not swiping cash from a found wallet: Asteya addresses a deep fear you might hold that tells you that who you are is not enough. When you look at the world as something you have to take from rather than something you can give to, you're living without the benefits of asteya.

~ Asia Nelson, Do you fear more than you trust?

Life, if we are honest about it, is made up of many failings and fallings, amidst all of our hopeful growing and achieving. Those failings and fallings must be there for a purpose... Most of us find all failure bewildering, but it does not have to be.

~ Rohr, Richard (2011), Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life.

I had a realization yesterday. I have a Master's degree.

I mean I knew that already. I spent over $25,000 in 2 years on tuition, books and related expenses; I moved to a new city for practical experience; and I put in the long, difficult, frustrating, almost-quit-a-few-times hours on the final paper. I better have something to show for that! And according to the e-mail I received last week, the official paperwork is in the mail.

But sitting in my comfy chair, drinking my tea, reading various blogs I've started following and articles posted by friends on Facebook, it actually dawned on me. I have a Master's degree.

And maybe that's not as big of an accomplishment today as it would have been 10, 20, 50 years ago...

But maybe it's that last statement that has me feeling frozen with fear for actually doing something with it. So I have a Master's degree, big deal! So do a lot of people...

Is it enough?

Amongst the blog reading I was doing yesterday, one sentence literally jumped off the page at me:

“You don't have to be enough...”

“You don’t have to be enough
You don’t have to bring something for everyone...
You are exactly who [you need] to be
For the tasks that are yours...”
~ Mary Martin Wiens, Everyday Human

I feel like that question of “enough?” has plagued me off and on my whole life. Am I old enough; young enough; pretty enough; smart enough; talented enough; interesting enough; strong enough; ...am I good enough?

How relieving is it to be told you don't have to be enough. You just have to be you!

Words from a previous read blog flashed in my mind then:

“Honestly, more than making an impact or changing the world, what I most want to be is a gentle, healing presence.”

~ Steve Wiens, Your life is your curriculum

I was humbled by these words. Because yes, I want to be a gentle, healing presence, but...

Truth:

I really want to make an impact and change the world.

Yet it is this desire to truly make an impact and change the world that has me frozen in place. What if I am not good enough to make an impact? What if my efforts do little or nothing to change the world? What if I am unable to even just be a gentle, healing presence? ...What if I am not enough?

What if I am trying to take recognition and success from the world; instead of focusing on what I can give to those around me?

What if I could look at the possibility of failing and falling as purposeful learning opportunities for growth, instead of evidence that I am not enough?

I think I want to remove that word from my vocabulary – enough.

Without that word, there is no longer pressure to be enough; I just have to be.

“You are exactly who [you need] to be
For the tasks that are yours...”

For the tasks that are mine, and nothing more. And I have a Master's degree! That task is over because I worked hard and completed it. It has helped to shape me; prepare me for who I need to be for the next task that is mine. And with it I will likely struggle. I may take a little while trying to give, I may fall and even fail en route to growth and achievement. But none of that can take away that I am...